F R U S T

Sometimes I felt like I tried hard to be part of something but it just somehow feels so hard and complicated. It might not be exactly complicated or maybe I just can’t seem to express it in words.

When I think about it, I kinda hate myself for that. It’s sumthing that I would really wanna change bout myself but it looks unlikely. For me I do not really like it when other people whine bout minor stuff or even bitch bout every little things but often I do find myself constantly whining to nobody but myself. Why do things have to be this way? I do see myself more like a free-thinker; I doubt the existence of god. If everything were linked to god then life itself would be simple as every question leads to god itself. I do think that this will limit the power of the human mind.

Recently I watched a documentary show about ‘the boy with divine powers’ which is basically about a boy name Bahadur Banjan , 15 years old who’s from Nepal. He is believed to be a reincarnation of Buddha. This amazing boy actually meditated for 10 months, cross-legged, sat under a tree just like what Buddha used to do..and all without food and water. He’s aim was to meditate for 6 years until he gains enlightenment. Anyway what really amazes me is how strong a human mind can be.




Anyway, my point is nothing is impossible and a lot of things are basically related to mental toughness. That is what I like about sports where most of the time it’s based on mental strength rather than physical strength. For instance jogging, I believe that when you reach the point where you tell yourself that you can’t go on any further.. you feel so tired.. that already limits your mind. When you yourself call it a quit, your directly shutting down your subconscious mind and it makes you physically weak as well. As for me if one day for example, I set a target to complete two laps, by hook or by crook I will complete the damn lap unless injury takes place. Necessary precaution is always necessary, prevention is better than cure.

Unfortunately not all things are so direct. There are things which I hate because it does not really depend on yourself rather there’s so many factors involved. It can be cause of you own background or probably the way you grow up, the people that influenced you to what you have become… constantly again it does makes me wonder all the times…

I think majority of people are unhappy with their life and are always trying to change something to make their life better. Everyone knows that we should always appreciate the things that we already have. Will we be happier if we just give up on things and accept that there are things that we will never get? Personally I do not think I can do that. All I know is nobody is perfect in this world, and I truly believed in this theory. Even if there is a smart, handsome rich guy there’s surely something wrong somewhere with him or there’s this smart, hot looking girl who’s good in sports as well, I still think there’s surely something wrong somewhere with her. My point here is there's a trade-off for everything. For every normal human being, no matter how many good qualities you have, you surely have negative qualities as well.

Everything in this life is pretty much well-balanced. There's always a opposite something. Even in martial arts where there's the soft element and the hard element. It is up to ourselves to apply it.


All I know is learn to accept people’s weakness and see it as a beauty.


EJ